Military Jokes Page 1
Fighters vs. Transports
A couple of F/A-18's are escorting a KC-130 Hercules and their pilots were chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell on the subject of relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding their planes were better because of their maneuverability, weaponry and the like The KC-130 pilot replied "Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just watch," he tells them. The KC-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?" He replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back and took a leak."
We's Sergeants . . . . .
Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have
been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stopin."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper.
"We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea affects only the privates."
He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"
As a member of the Marine Corps, I was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?" "No, sir," he replied. "Engaged." "There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?" "With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"
WWIII
Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" And Bush says, "We're planning World War 3" And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" And Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman." And the guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!!!" So Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"
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