Military Jokes Page 4
Generals Compete... Who's Braver
Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing 'Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing 'Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
"YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for the flagpole with the weapon high over his head, and completes the task perfectly.
"Now that's courage!" says the admiral.
"Courage, nothin'" snorts the Army general. "Get over here, private!" "YES SIR!!" replies the private.
"Put on full combat gear, load your rucksack with these rocks, scale that flagpole, come to attention, present arms, and sing the National Anthem, salute each of us, and then climb back down, head first."
"YES SIR!!" replies the private, and completes the task. "Now that is a brave man! Beat that!!"
They all look to the Marine. "Private," he says. "YES SIR!!"
"Put on full combat gear. Put these two dogs in your pack. Using only one hand, climb that flagpole. At the top, sing 'The Halls of Montezuma', put your knife in your teeth, and dive off, headfirst."
The private snaps to attention, looks at the general and says, "F*** YOU SIR!!"
The general turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S bravery!"
Hillbilly in the Army
Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you to got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food.
But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It ain't no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is no my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.The city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Colonels and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shootin. I don't know why. The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting back, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lay there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load you own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your lovin daughter,
Gail
Southern Elite Special Forces
A large group of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune. "One United States Marine is better than ten Iraqis!" The Iraqi commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One United States Marine is better than one hundred Iraqis!" Furious, the Iraqi commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge firefight commences.
After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again "One United States Marine is better than one thousand Iraqis!"
The enraged Iraqi Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine guns ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Iraqi fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There's two of them!"
An Air Force Officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven.
The officer flyboy replies," Yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two MARINES harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this MARINE to stand down."
St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act.
The pilot replied, "About 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!"
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